Being in the control of a mother of the bride speech, especially as the event gets closer in time, is very hard. You see, there are a lot of things you need to handle and a lot of confusion as to how things should be done. If you follow the tips given here, you will be able to make it all in an easier way, without the stress.
What is your husband doing?
Now, there are different cases. You are the mother of the bride and you can’t let your daughter down, because you must fulfill the position of speaking at her wedding. Then, your husband might be categorized in several different categories:
- He might be unable to speak. There are men who have more emotions or find themselves not being able to formulate the right words. In these cases, it is quite common for their wives to speak for them too.
- Maybe your husband passed away. A late husband means that you need to speak imagining that he was there, happy for your daughter. This is probably a bit more emotional, but you need to consider it that way if it’s your case.
- You are divorced and he denied his obligation to speak. Even if this is the case, you still need to speak.
- He is speaking too, so you need to give room for his father of the bride speech too.
It is always important for the mother of the bride to speak. Your bond with your daughter is always closer, due to the fact that men can’t always understand everything women do.
So, in conclusion to what your husband is doing – you need to consider him too. If he’s not speaking, it might be slightly easier for you. Although it is easier, you must mention him and you must tell people that your husband also wants to express his thoughts and you’re saying it on his behalf. If he’s shy, try some fine joke to cover him. If your husband isn’t among us anymore, then you should tell people that he would’ve been honored and very happy to see your daughter as a happy bride. You don’t need many words, but you need to be honest.
Then, if your case is that your husband will speak his own speech too, then it’s all different. The primary difference is that you can’t speak about the same subjects. If your husband chooses to speak about how much your daughter likes to read, you shouldn’t tell the same message to be boring for the guests. Being repetitive is never appreciated. However, if you work out a nice strategy with your husband, agreeing that both of you would speak about something different, ending up finally in beautiful unity then it’s worth it.
Don’t make it too long
Many people make their speeches long. By length I am talking about time. The reality of mother of the bride speeches is that they can be anywhere from 2 to 8 minutes in length, sometimes even 10 minutes. What makes the difference and how you decide?
Generally, the lower extreme situation of speaking only 2 minutes is in the cases when you know exactly what you are doing and the main parts of your message are included in those minutes. I have heard some wedding speeches, so amazingly written. They lasted no longer than 2-3 minutes, and still everyone was either laughing, feeling excited or giving a huge round of applauses. This effect is generated by awesome speeches – and you can write one too!
Then, the average category of 4-8 minutes goes to every other speech. If you are not confident enough to speak shortly, respecting structure and giving out the main message, then I’d rather recommend not stopping for anything less than 4 minutes. Of course, you shouldn’t exceed 8 minutes either. In such a speech, you need to learn how to keep the timeframe.
To learn timing, I always recommend taking a stopwatch, smartphone or simple watch/clock and start speaking loudly, just as if it was the wedding. You need to have an almost final version of your speech text, because otherwise the time of your speaking isn’t accurate. Then, you need to measure how long it took for you to tell it all. If you notice time was too short – you need more text. If you were on the extreme of speaking for 15-20 minutes, then it’s either a long speech or it’s either you speaking way too slowly. Still, based on how it generally happens, if someone speaks at home for about 15 minutes it’s not due to slow speaking but due to having a boring, long speech. Excuse me to say that, but yes, a speech that long is very boring. You don’t agree or nobody ever told you? The truth is that since your daughter is getting married, people prefer to be polite so that they don’t hurt you or your family members. However, their attitude won’t be a good one for a long speech. It always ends up in gossip, negative opinions, people starting to whisper, write text messages or whatever. Even if you don’t notice for yourself, it’s embarrassing and proves that the speaker isn’t respected.
Then, when you are certain about having the speech duration adjusted, you are all ready to speak the current version of the mother of the bride speech!
Only propose the toast if you feel the need
While I recommend proposing a toast with the mother of the bride speech, not everyone does it. Some people leave it to the father of the bride or the father of the groom to do that. Still, since we are in the world of changing and modernization, we can know that it’s not a problem if you propose a toast.
If you have prepared a toast text, make sure it doesn’t resemble someone else’s. Maybe some people would have the impression you copied the other person while the bare truth would be like you had similar thoughts. Obviously, a toast proposal is a short paragraph that captures the essence and gives short and honest wishes and congratulations to the couple. In fact, it’s very simple to come up with one, but you need some elegant words and attitude with the toast proposal. Other than that – just raise your champagne glass and enjoy!
Don’t choose the wrong dress
I know that women always want to look good and I understand. It’s normal and it’s fine if women want to look great. Still, I don’t understand the cases when clothes or shoes become a horror during the wedding celebration. What sometimes happens is that you see nice shoes, it’s one size smaller, but it’s the only one you assume to like and you purchase it and decide to wear those shoes. It might all look cool and in control for 30 minutes, maybe even for 1 hour. But then, things begin to change. Maybe your feet already have some small wounds and you don’t see them, but the pain is starting to move signals towards your brain – you start feeling the pain. Then, since it’s too late, you need to leave them on and the pain might be increasing. The only problem is that you can’t go home after 1 hour and you don’t have a backup plan!
Then, with the dress, it’s even more important. There are thousands of dresses, elegant, finely chosen and looking fabulous. Still, some of them would make you feel uncomfortable. Make sure that the size of the dress you choose to wear is a bit (only slightly) larger than your size, because you are going to eat and drink as well. You know that you can’t feel alright if all you can think of is that dress which is squeezing your tummy. Be wiser than that and by choosing the right size, you avoid being frustrated.
Focus on your daughter
The mother of the bride speech is all about your daughter. It’s not about promoting how great of a mother you were – trust me: people know it already and you don’t need to prove it by words or by a testimonial you give out in public.
You need to keep talking about the bride. She is the main subject of the day, together with your son-in-law. It is important to keep the speech paying attention to them. This doesn’t mean you are presenting their CVs or your daughter’s CV. That would be the biggest mistake ever! What you can do – and what you should do – is that you should be limited to talking about major achievements she had related to this relationship (things like finding support, love, happiness) and then talk about how the couple met and when they decided to join destinies. People are more interested in the story of “them” than they are in how they spent their high school years or college years (unless it has to do with how they met).
Don’t ignore the in-laws
The in-laws are going to play a very important role in your family’s life from now on. If you ignore the in-laws or if you try to pretend that they are not important to you, then the future is half-ruined already. Many mother of the groom speeches failed due to this: they didn’t mention too much about the in-laws.
Now, you don’t need to fall for some extreme ideas. You don’t need to be foolish and elevate the in-laws as if they were the center of the planet. You need to keep it all natural and tell everyone about your happiness for joining the families.
Then, probably the second most important thing related to them is talking about the groom. It is not enough to talk about your son-in-law as you talked about your daughter, but you need to tell him publicly that he is now part of your family. You should tell him how you feel about him – that he is now as your own son. These details are very important, for the couple, the in-laws and the guests as well. If you don’t say things like I mentioned here – you will ruin things.
Be funny enough
I also recommend, as a conclusion, that you would be funny with the mother of the bride speech. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and you can still be in control with some humor!